Trusted Guides
“Do not fear—I shall be with you always…. Trust me lovingly—trust me blindly.” God to Mother Teresa
I am not sure if I can fully express these thoughts so, forgive me if I fail at it.
I am once again reading Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light. And, she really was amazing. And it is such a blessing to hear the words just at a time when you need to, just at a time that you see a friend going through a similar dark time and hoping to find the words to help her.
In the last couple years, I have thought about the idea of trusted guides. The idea that we should not complain to the world, just to complain to the world. A few weeks ago a friend on facebook linked an article that had suggestions for new married couples. And in it it said that you should find one or two trusted people who you can discuss issues you are having with your marriage but not bash your husband to everyone. And thanks to my husband, I learned this lesson years ago. Because it was something he always did for me. You talk about the great things your spouse does and if you need help with some other things, you find a confidante who can help you work through it. And you accept the good things about him/her and work together to deal with yours and his/her limitations. And talking to that confidante is not just a bashing for bashing sake kind of discussion, but a “help me work through this, I’m struggling and need help.”
Mother Teresa during her dark time said she struggled to be able to express what was going on in her heart. The author writes:
Mother Teresa had always kept hidden the deepest working of God’s grace in her life–her private vow, the details of the inspiration, and now her interior darkness—because of her delicate respect for her relationship with God and His work in her soul, which she treated as something sacred and revealed only to her trusted guides.
Your struggles are sacred while you are in the midst of them. They become what can bring you closer to God with your silence and with your charity towards others even though you are struggling.
Refusing to allow her inner suffering to be an excuse for failing in charity, Mother Teresa was striving to have a ready smile, a kind word, a welcoming gesture for each one. She expected the same from her sisters.
The second virtue she insisted on was silence. To envelop in silence God’s work within her soul, as Mary had at the Annunciation, was for Mother Teresa an expression of reverence and trust. Mary, who “kept all these things in her heart,” was her model and, as in Mary’s case, she hoped that God would intervene in His own time and way.
This is a great challenge for me. To keep silent when I want to whine and to be kinder in the midst of struggles. It is easy to be nice when you feel good, not so much when you feel bad. It was something Mother Teresa specifically picked to work on and it’s something I hope to follow her example in.
Her magnanimous desire to hide her pain even from Jesus was an expression of her great and delicate love. She did all she could not to burden others with her sufferings; even less would she wish her sufferings to be a burden to her spouse, Jesus. Compared to His sufferings and to those of His poor, she did not consider her pain worth calling attention to. She aspired instead to console His Heart through joy. For this she counted on Mary’s support.
Funny, I hear so many women who complain their husbands never talk to them, never reveal what is going on. Now, I sort of wonder if they have it right, if their husbands are indeed trying to not burden their wives and in doing so, are showing their love, through their silence?
